O...M...Cheese

Welcome to the special artsy-fartsy edition of Hamiltoe! This week, we have arted it up in the heart of downtown Hamilton, first at Gallery on the Bay, then at the James Street North Art Crawl. 

We began by taking a stroll down to Bayfront Park, where it was unnaturally cold for the middle of May. On a nicer day, we might have gone to Hutch's for some deep-fried goodness and then a walk along the trail. Past visits have also included Hamilton Pride, delicious "Mr. Softee" iced cream, picnics, and a lot of bugs. Instead of braving the cold on this particular visit, we retreated to Gallery on the Bay, one of Hamilton's best-kept secrets.

The gallery is the owners' home and personal studio, and they display lots of local artists' work around the main floor. Every couple of months, they team up with Bryan Prince, Bookseller (stay tuned for future references to our very own Hamiltoe celebrity!) to allow some local authors to read from their newly published works. We may have been the youngest people there by at least a quarter of a century, but we enjoyed the free wine and cheese, and after hearing a reading which touched on none other than CAMELTOE (oh yes...you read correctly), we fell in love. This place has free food, free drinks, free cameltoe, and our absolute favourite kind of art - MM Resin on Panel (...we don't know what this means?)! Check it out here! Go on now. Do it. We'll wait.

Alright, moving on. James Street North Art Crawl...where to begin? Ah, yes...when we saw a man's GIANT PENIS ("giant" is really giving him too much credit) exposed on the street. Welcome to the downtown core. Though this was not part of any art exhibit, it set the tone for anything else we could possibly see there. Gandalf roaming around with sticks on his head? Check (see photo at right). Tin Man/"DramaBot"? Check. Playwright and star of "My Mother's Lesbian Jewish Wiccan Wedding?" Check. (Hayley stalked him, good and proper.) David Lynch-esque movie? Check.

David Hein, writer and star of My Mother's Lesbian Jewish Wiccan Wedding! He was super nice, even when we stalked him. Check him out here!





The thing that we were most intrigued by was the haunted, abandoned Tivoli Theatre. One of the oldest theatres in Canada (yes, Canada), the Tivoli collapsed in 2004 and is now filled with cobwebs and ghosts. We got a very eerie feeling whilst walking around the auditorium, which was semi-exposed to the elements. It was as if we had stepped into the Twilight Zone.

The Tivoli, in all its current glory.

Note: orbs. The Tivoli is rumoured to be haunted...we of Hamiltoe have clearly erased any doubts there might have been!

After running away from Jack Nicholson in an art maze just outside (and encountering an actual maze creeper - see right for reaction), we walked into a small, make-shift cinema. We sat there for what seemed like hours, watching water...just water. (In actuality it was only about 4 minutes. Of water.) After admitting that she "liked it sideways," (Hayley's special comment: Get your minds out of the gutter, I meant camera angles! Perverts.) Hayley also observed that it felt like we were in - not watching, IN - a David Lynch film. Suffice it to say, we left before we lost our memory and were attacked behind a diner. We checked out a few more galleries, had some tea, caught up with a few old friends, then headed home.

We've decided that the Hamilton art scene is not given enough recognition or credit. There is plenty of artistic talent in Hamilton, as well as plenty of obscenely drunk men willing to show you their junk. If only we wanted to see it...the art, that is.