Chico and the Man

To begin our odyssey, we thought to ourselves "the GHA is so huge, such a colossal metropolis. Where to begin?" After seconds of serious consideration, an epiphany - of course! We wanted to start things off with a bang, so only Hamilton Mountain's most famous landmark would do. Devil's Punch Bowl? No sir. Sam Lawrence Park? Don't think so! That's right boys and girls - Hayley and Andrea paid a visit to Lime Ridge Mall.

Located just off of Upper Wentworth and (surprise!) Limeridge Road, Lime Ridge (different spelling, hmm...we don't know why either) Mall is a Hamilton institution. Wikipedia tells us that it opened in 1981, and who are we to question an online encyclopedia that anyone can edit? We have been going there to satiate our consumer desires since before we even knew what cameltoe was, thus it is obviously a place close to our hearts.

In an attempt to be more healthy this summer, we decided to start wogging (walk-jogging...emphasis on the walk) and swimming - immediately after our trip to the mall. Because of this, we showed up in clothing not quite up to the standards of Lime Ridge Mall (we'll let the picture speak for itself), where the prime demographic is scantily-clad 12-18 year olds and wearing sweat pants to go shopping is actually worse than having cameltoe. Nevertheless, we avoided the judgmental looks from the teenagers and pressed on to achieve one of the most difficult tasks known to womankind - looking for a swimsuit. Lime Ridge has a wealth of shops, however, so we were cautiously optimistic that we would find this grail.

DON'T JUDGE THE WINDBREAKER

First, we headed to Canada's own department wonder, The Bay. That is...the Hudson Bay Company. Yes, the same Hudson Bay Company that was bartering for furs 300 years ago. Clearly they haven't given up...swimsuits are OUTRAGEOUSLY EXPENSIVE, omg. We don't know who has money to buy swimsuits for over $100, but whoever it is would you mind making a donation to Hamiltoe? We, uh, the cause really needs it.

Swimsuit shopping was a success, and after lingering a bit too long in the change room to hear some Kenny-G-went-to-Spain tunes (typical of too many department stores), we proceeded to the Solo Mobile booth, where we were schooled in matters of security. Apparently, it is not permitted to take the long-distance feature off of a phone plan without a form of I.D. "Sure," we said, "because Andrea's actually a super-villain named Chico, who's come here all the way from Mexico to sinisterly change a phone plan from long distance to local." Phone Man smiled, dazzled by our wit (or because he thought we were crazy...could've been either, really).

Thus concludes our first journey. We laughed, we shopped, we won a phone booth employee over with our Hamiltoenian charms, and we can't wait until Christmas when we oh-so-inappropriately visit Mall Santa, like we did as Hamiltoe youngsters. Maybe he'll get us $100 swimsuits...